Let me be really clear…
THEIR trauma is NOT your fault (whoever “they” are in your life).
And even though their trauma is not your fault… you still have the Power to create the Reality you most want!
You see, one of the biggest things people wrangle with once they begin to understand trauma is the possibility that they are responsible for creating other people’s traumas.
And I get it, once we awaken to the role others have played in our own traumas we fear we’re going to be at fault for someone else’s trauma (especially as parents.)
Consider, we can’t walk around all day afraid of the traumas we may cause others, and still BE FREE, %FIRSTNAME%.
Because, trauma is in the eye of the beholder.
Take my client Mary for example.
Her daughter Olivia is 3 and started acting up every morning, not wanting to go to school.
Each day it escalated until, finally, the morning routine wasn’t complete without the full blown temper tantrums.
Mary turned to Olivia’s teachers looking for answers.
They all said the same thing – that she was fine and couldn’t connect Olivia’s behavior to anything that happened at school.
They even suggested instead that maybe Olivia’s behavior was because of the new baby Mary had at home.
So Mary felt horrible! Feeling completely responsible for her daughter’s emotions and actions… and it was eating her up inside! Mary then shared this with me in passing…
To which I replied that something had clearly happened at school causing Olivia’s symptoms of temper tantrums to begin to occur.
I also shared that this will escalate because Olivia FEELS something but doesn’t know how to express or process what she was feeling.
My suggestion for Mary was to have a conversation with Oliva, using the same skills we’ve taught Mary through our Aligned Intelligence® Method, showing her how to process her own emotions so she could help those of her daughter’s.
So Mary asked Olivia, from complete curiosity, “What happened that has you not wanting to go to school when you used to love going so much?”
Turns out, something did happen at school. A little boy had said that he was going to bring in a knife to school and cut her into little pieces, something that really scared Olivia, making her feel really unsafe and afraid to go to school.
By having this conversation, mother and daughter were able to explore the misunderstanding and misconceptions that needed to be cleared up in the way, Olivia got to feel expressed and understood, so that she could process her feelings of fear and uncertainty, and together they created a new way for Olivia to feel safe and certain about school – having her return to loving it, just like before.
Mary was able to watch her child step into her own power, reclaiming something that gave her so much joy while also feeling proud and relief in this experience!
Freedom… For them both.
You see, true Power is not about tolerating or putting up with things in our businesses or our lives but MORE about us staying in our own Power as we help all others stay in their own Power…
Even our most beloved family members!
So, if there are people around you who’s trauma you can see from the outside, you have to decide: are you going to tolerate the symptoms or are you going to get curious and actually help them process what’s coming up for them so that they return to their power and own their greatness?
Because the reality of it is, adults (nor children) will change as long as we just tolerate their behaviors… because they don’t know how to.
So although we may not always be able to protect our loved ones from experiencing a trauma…the greatest thing we can do is stand for their greatness by helping them process what they’ve experienced so that they then have the skills that allow them to overcome any obstacle.
This is the greatest gift we could ever give anyone we love.
As they never have to FEEL stuck in a trauma again!
Olivia now knows how she can create her own success on purpose every time – at three years old.
Standing for YOUR greatness,
P.S. Don’t forget, if you ever need anything just hit reply! All the emails go to my personal inbox – no one sees them but me.